Kay's Korner

Viral

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Media impacts everyone’s daily life. My children glue themselves to the iPad and only the strongest of hands can separate them from the sticky mess. I watch as my father-in-law presses his ear against his phone listening for the latest news report. My own eyes are frequently scanning screens, as I look for the freshest take on life.

A few weeks ago, everyone dreamed of going viral. Finding out that something you posted online was being consumed by millions of people, meant automatic fame and newfound wealth.

Unfortunately, the tide can shift without warning. We now find ourselves locked into the media due to panic surrounding actual viruses. Suddenly, the term viral is far more real. It turns out, viruses disseminate through populations in logarithmic fashion. They lay in the weeds for days to weeks gaining only a little steam per day, until that fateful day when they explode. One day you look around and most people you know are healthy, the next day everyone is sick.

This may have been the worst way ever to gain insight into a word’s origin. Instead of the masses determining which average joe will become the next YouTube star, we now ponder which one of us will be engulfed by the virus. Although we do have concerns for our own health, our most pressing fear is the eruption. Our collective breath is held, while we wait for our local media to inform us we no longer have a hand-full of cases, we have a tidal wave.

Now that the people of Italy and New York are currently swept under its force, we are again focused on our screens. Everyone is grappling with the question: are we surging next? Will we be the next example of how logarithmic curves work? Will our decision to cancel the world around us work or are we already too late?

Normally, I would think time will tell, but not today. Today I believe the media will tell. If we do explode, I suspect that specific news report detailing the crisis will become viral.

Stay safe!

K

Fri, 20 Mar 2020 17:47:45 -0500

Fire alarms of life

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Have you ever been completely focused in on an ambition? Maybe your whole world was consumed with accomplishing a singular goal. Each day and every sleepless night was attuned to crossing off this pinnacle in an otherwise normal life.

Then, without any preamble, your plans are upended. Your snatched out of your slumber and awaken to some bad news. The dream you built for yourself turns out to be fool’s gold. Unfortunately, this tunnel vision has already cost you some good years and only provided a meager, unsatisfying harvest.

Yesterday at work, I was reminded about those times in my life, when a fire alarm went off at an in opportune time. My colleagues and I were interrupted and told to march down three flights of stairs and out into the bitter cold. I witnessed a mom carrying an infant down the stairwell and I was filled with pity. No one thought the fire alarm was legitimate. It was clear it was a false alarm, but no matter, we all stopped our plans and filed outside like we first learned in school years ago.

When the inevitable “all clear” came through, the mama was able to ride back up on the elevator with her child in tow. The rest of us followed suit and within minutes we were back humming through our day but the interruption lingered. A subtle confusion clung to the room and it took awhile for everyone to revert back to their prior tasks.

Initially, I was annoyed by the alarm but then I noticed it made me tune into the people surrounding me. Instead of being completely locked into my own objectives for the day, this disruption broadened my vision and I was actually more efficient the rest of the afternoon. Seeing someone else being inconvenienced and accepting it with aplomb, forced a gut check.

True, it was a small false alarm but it symbolized an ability to block out others for my own ambitions. I remembered this was a path to destruction in the past and I was grateful for a gentle shake up in my day.

Maybe a little chaos is good?

Especially if it brings us out of the tunnel and into the world.

K

Tue, 12 Nov 2019 17:49:57 -0600

Easy street

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I know and I am sorry. October was not a great month for my blog.

I have rationale, mostly fatigue, but that is not interesting. I initially had self-imposed deadlines, but as those lapsed so did my submissions.

Doing nothing is not fulfilling but it sure is easy. I often find myself reminding my kids one gazillion times to do something as simple as put their shoes away. However, they seem to think this is a feat only an Olympian could match. How can they be expected to stop watching TV to move their shoes? Ugh!

Despite my frustration in the moment, I can clearly remember another little girl saying at each commercial break “just five more minutes, mom, please!” My mom was as exasperated with me then, as I am with my children today. It is hard to understand, when they have so few items on their agenda, how they continue to accomplish nothing. But, that ever present laziness wins out most of the time. Especially, when you are a kid and fundamentally have few expectations and responsibilities.

As an adult, when we have plenty of work to accomplish, our hobbies tend to lose priority. The non negotiable items get crossed off, (most of the time), but the extras tend to be pushed aside. My husband has a motorcycle that he really enjoys riding, unfortunately, adulting ravages his time and he only gets a couple of rides in per season.

Ultimately, this is my hobby and I will invest in it as such. When I have time and energy, I will have frequent posts. Conversely when either of those elements are in short supply, I will be mute.

I will be seeing you on the good days!

K

Mon, 04 Nov 2019 07:18:30 -0600

Time is on your side

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In a day and age when we can track everything. And I mean everything. We track our packages, iPhones, and steps, I am unsure why no one has yet designed a school bus tracker.

I adore my daughter. One of my favorite times of the day is when she jumps off the bus and scrambles home. However, I detest playing guess what time the bus will arrive.

This problem is not limited to the end of the day. It is actually a little more irritating in the morning. I started bringing my phone with me to the bus stop because every 30 seconds my child asks “how much longer?” Although, I obviously have no concrete answer to that salient question, the clock gives me some bluffing parameters.
“Well, it is 8:03am so about seven more minutes.” I fear the day she realizes I have no idea when the bus is coming.

I am convinced my bus tracker would radically change the before and after school industry. If you have a younger child who is napping, no problem! You can let him sleep. Your friendly bus tracker will let you know when your sweetie arrives and you can pop your head out the door and wave. Late afternoon meeting, you will no longer need to second guess the moments. You will know the moment your child’s bus leaves school and the instant it is outside your house. You can relax in the peace of certainty.

One day, my dream will be a reality. But today, I will sweat in the heat, freeze in the cold and wait for my baby to arrive home. She’s better than a tracker any day....but it would still be nice!

K

Tue, 08 Oct 2019 20:22:47 -0500

Blameless

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I hate making mistakes. Especially at work. It rattles me to the core. I feel exposed and self-conscious.

As an adult, I understand that learning from errors leads to growth. My husband, a very secure individual, rarely struggles to admit his missteps. He does not appear to be shaken, he acknowledges he was wrong and moves forward.

Isn’t that so annoyingly healthy?

I am not so healthy. When I am confronted with an error, I stew, I fuss, and I make sure to lose time from sleep to perseverate.

Why is that?

I guess when your identity is found in achievement, anything less than a gold star feels like failure.

Recently, a colleague of mine needed some cheering up. She had worked hard on career advancement but unfortunately had not met her goal. In trying to find a quote to inspire her, I became depressed. All of the helpful thoughts on “failure” seemed to magnify the disappointment rather than reassure her about the future.

After scanning the available options, I landed on “thinking of you.” An absolutely boring greeting but preferable to any mention of defeat.

Competitive natures? Overly self motivated?

Probably all of the above.

But alas, there is a blessing in the crazy. Although the perfectionist individual may suffer, the world will advance with such drive.

Deep breaths and move forward to the future.

K

Thu, 26 Sep 2019 06:45:03 -0500

My boyz

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My parents were kind enough to give me the gift of siblings. I have two older brothers that have been apart of my life since I took my first breath.

They are fantastic people. Both are devoted husbands and fathers. They have big hearts full of love. They cherish their rich lives.

However, my brothers and I have few other unifying traits. Our dissimilarities outnumber any commonalities. We see the world differently and our daily lives reflect this. Not just in career paths or child raising, but in our inability to move beyond small talk in family gatherings. My mom frequently comments she has three children that neither act or look the same.

Despite our differences, we have a tight bond. Our relationship is not based on constant contact, but instead more: ‘call me when you are in trouble and I am already there.’ Like every other family, we have experienced some crises, but we come together and fight for each other when life is against us.

I need them to know that they are appreciated and loved. Even though our lives cross less frequently, they have created inedible marks in my heart.

My family helped shape me into the person I am today. Admittedly, my parents had the greatest impact on my future, but my brothers also played a critical role in my development. I suspect that I am stronger, more thoughtful and have a broader perspective because of their influence.

I am exceedingly thankful to have two big brothers who always got my back.

I love you both!

K

Sat, 21 Sep 2019 08:58:15 -0500

A time for everything

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Autumn is my favorite season. I love everything about this time of year. Sweaters, bonfires and yes, I even love the shorter days.

Evenings with candles and fuzzy blankets feel so cozy and grant us time for cuddling. As the sun goes down early, it takes our expectations with it. It is okay to kick back and watch a football game at 7:00p. It is already dark outside, the work day is officially over.

Although the appeal of living somewhere with sunshine and waves is obvious, it does not diminish my appreciation for winter’s eve. My soul requires this transition from heat to bitter cold. The sting of winter is softened by the autumnal glory.

Today, we wait eagerly on the precipice of fall. Our collective dreams involve crisp air and scattered leaves. Leaves remind us that even yard work this time of year is fun! Grab a rake and make an enormous crunchy pile perfect for jumping. See your childrens’ grins stretch wide as their focus is centered on owning those mounds.

Pour yourself a glass of pumpkin tea or steamy cider and drink in the warmth of the season.

Cheers!

K

Thu, 12 Sep 2019 17:20:25 -0500

A better place

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A popular trend in clothing is to wear T-shirt’s with slogans encouraging us to do more and be better.

“Be the change, you wish to see”
“Inhale inspiration, exhale doubt”
“Let your smile change the world, but don’t let the world change your smile”
“I was born to change the world”

Honestly, a walk through Target is exhausting. I feel like I attended a weekend work retreat. Maybe they will start having trust falls at the checkout counter?

I am kidding of course. I do think this is a good time to focus on the positives and “being a good human.” We certainly see plenty of examples of the alternative.

But sometimes I wonder if it is too much. There’s a song by Josh Wilson that I adore. It’s called Dream Small. It talks about being okay with the small jobs because every job is significant. He tells us big dreams are fantastic but so are the not so big ones. Loving the people God gave you and finding ways to care for your community is meaningful.

I believe that each of us are granted with specific traits, families, experiences that shape us into the people that push our world forward. Although the super specialized talents are overly hyped in our society, they do not have more value.

Maybe the T-shirt we need says,

“I find humor in every situation”
Or
“I am patient even during tantrums”
Or
“I wait very well at the morning bus stop”

That’s right! You strut your talented self.

K

Thu, 05 Sep 2019 14:26:20 -0500

Injuries

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I once heard a friend say “you could leave your kids home alone with knives and come back hours later and they would not have a scratch. But whenever you’re right there staring at them, somehow they end up with a broken arm.”

Fair enough. We try our best to protect our babies, but what if our best is not enough? How do we love and let go? Is loving letting go?

Babies need to learn to self-soothe. It is good for their emotional regulation and their sleep patterns. Sadly, it is a killer for parents. It seems so unnatural to see your child cry and not rescue them.

In this generation of self-reliance, I suppose we want our kids to start early. We teach them you can lean on mom and dad, but ultimately you are responsible for yourself.

Medical training programs encourage progressive responsibility. The idea is that confidence is gained through doing not watching.

I guess the same is true for child rearing. Babies begin completely dependent upon their caregivers. Five years later, they are ready to go to school alone. Thirteen years after that, they completely break free from the nest.

Generally, at some point , a successful parent is also one with no kids at home.

Bittersweet, but true. We have accomplished our goals and then we are utterly alone.

No worries! Everyone claims grandkids are the best.

K

Sat, 31 Aug 2019 16:05:29 -0500

Inexact

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Ambiguity is messy, complex and frustrating. It is also absolutely beautiful. Swirls of black and white tangled into knots. Human beings possess minds which enable us to navigate intricate matrices. No other creature can claim this same gift.

Instead of running from uncertainty, we should dive into the unknown. We must push past our inhibitions and soar into uncharted territory.

Exploration is intimidating. Although we tire of routine, we still find solace in the familiar.
Thoughts and ideas are no different. When we challenge ourselves to expand our thinking, we feel vulnerable to being wrong. It is terrifying to consider that the path we are traveling is broken, but it is even more frightening to latch onto old ideals and risk hurting our chance at progress.

Progress is a divisive word. Some believe we progress away from morality and towards destruction. Maybe. Or maybe progress means we build upon a stable foundation and create a meaningful impact for our future.

I am not sure, but that is all right with me. Taking comfort in ambiguity helps us be at peace with ourselves. This further enables us to live in harmony with others.

Society will advance. It does not wait for our permission. If the dark is inevitable we might as well be prepared with a flashlight. We must accept that most things in life that confuse us are unable to be easily explained.
But we can keep trying!

K

Sat, 24 Aug 2019 05:15:38 -0500

Uncharted

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Life is perpetual change. Change can bring anxiety and fear, but it can also endow us with new horizons. Sometimes though, even if we are receptive to change, we are uncertain how to navigate the virgin landscape.

Modern feminism is evolving for each generation. Initially, women were fighting to have careers. The first professional women felt in order to prove themselves in the workplace they had to completely commit. Many did not consider part-time options because they needed to show their male counterparts they had equal ambition.

This current phase of feminism still has progressives battling for equal pay, but it also has people opting to lean back. While still others desire to climb the ranks. Since staying at home is no longer an obligation, some moms feel forced to justify their decision. This tension has led to the so-called mommy wars.

It is time for a new approach. Our pride must come from our individuality. For the first time in human history, women can be CEOs or stay at home or work part-time or be a professional student. Instead of criticizing our sisterhood for its diversity, it is time to applaud our ability to choose.

To me, modern feminism means that society cannot dictate my life. I am equipped with the education and opportunity to create my own way.

I think that is what everyone wants. The ability to determine their own destiny.

Happy trails!

K

Thu, 22 Aug 2019 15:13:39 -0500

Lazy river

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My life and personality prevent me from fully succumbing to relaxation. When I was young, my mom told me she could only stop working if she was out of town. At home, there were too many chores to finish.

Either due to her nurture or my own nature, vacation is the only time I allow myself to unwind. A few years ago, my husband and I celebrated our wedding anniversary in Hawaii. There was a time when I was lying on the beach with eyes closed and ears attuned to the lapping water. There, I met my happy place.

Since that day, I have judged all other moments of relaxation by the “Hawaii Beach” standard. Up to now, no occasion has risen to the same level. But sometimes I get close.

Riding a lazy river today, I felt that calm. Soft rock was blasting from a nearby speaker. My daughters’ were floating comfortably in their inner tubes. I laid back in my own tube and sank into the moment.

It was blissful. Short lived but on the precipice of attaining ‘Hawaii Standard.’

If only I was actually on vacation instead of five minutes from my home. Maybe then it could become my new measure?

Or will nothing ever match my elusive ideal?

I don’t know, but I can still have fun trying to recreate the experience.

K

Mon, 19 Aug 2019 15:35:39 -0500

Uninspired

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Initially, I wrote daily blog posts and I received positive responses from my small sphere of influence. These friends gave me the encouragement I needed to proceed. But as time went by, and the newness wore off, so did my words.

It seemed ironic. Although I claimed in my first entry ‘a failing blog’ would not stop me from creating more content, I was already facing writer’s block.

My inability to captivate an audience, (outside of one lovely reader) paralyzed me. Suddenly, a blog that began on a whim suffered due to lack of interest.

This made me wonder about myself. Could I take pleasure in a hobby simply because it was fulfilling or did I need constant praise? Would I only be motivated by external appreciation?

The answer was probably yes, I did seek attention to inspire me. However, going forward, I would like to say no with my actions.

I am beginning afresh. I am coming back to this blog humbled by my pride and ready to start again. So I will continue to write for my own amusement and partner with anyone else who has interest.

Let’s see what happens.

Stay tuned! Or not...it should not matter. Right?

K

Sat, 17 Aug 2019 20:20:22 -0500

Hashtag love it

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Social media has a powerful presence in our world. Some people cannot go a day without browsing through their newsfeeds. They find comfort and connection by staying attuned to the latest updates.

Others of us find Facebook, Twitter and Instagram isolating. Instead of feeling renewed and reconnected to friends and acquaintances, we find ourselves lonelier than ever.

People post their best lives on these pages. This is not wrong, but it can be misleading.

Teenagers may struggle with feeling perpetually overlooked. A young woman who believes she is stuck and will never bear a child can find the endless pregnancy announcements soul numbing. Moms at home with their babies might see other children looking well behaved and beautiful. Meanwhile, they fight to get their kids to do something as simple as comb their hair. In the end, all of these people walk away from the screen a little less content.

This leads to the question: who is to blame? The individual that is comparing and despairing, or the pictures that paint a perfect mirage.

Most likely, no one is to blame. No one sends out a Christmas card and couples their season greetings with bad news.

“Merry Christmas!
Dan got fired from his job this year.
Carol had a root canal.
Jimmy flunked out of school.
Little Annie lost her favorite teddy bear on summer vacation and has cried every day since.
Wishing you a better year than us!”

That would be a little odd to receive.

Once a year, hearing about everyone’s accomplishments and advancements is satisfying. Conversely, being confronted with this information on a daily, hourly or moment to moment basis can be slightly demoralizing.

Certainly we should be happy for people that succeed. We should celebrate and encourage each other.

Sometimes though, it would be nice to see the path that led people to the mountain top, instead of only seeing them peak at the summit.

For those of you who read this and think my words are outdated or irrelevant, I think that is fantastic. It means you have the ability to poke around on social platforms and leave unscathed.

But for the other folks among us, the ones whose hearts are screaming “preach it sister.” Maybe it is time to breakup or at least take a break from social media.

If you find yourself a little blue after reviewing the daily news, be gentle with yourself. Someday you will summit too. So be gracious to those that are enjoying the views today.

In the future, you might need their likes!

K

Sun, 11 Aug 2019 19:45:47 -0500

The gun show

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America is unfazed by death. No, that is incorrect. America is numb to gun violence. Hmmm...closer to the truth. America is in a choke hold and can no longer appreciate its own indifference to mass shootings. Yeah, I think that is it. Maybe?

I guess I am unsure why a nation holds their guns tighter than their perception of safety. I suppose we could blame it on the second amendment or gun lobbyists or ignorance, and we would not be wrong. But I suspect there is a more nuanced answer we are missing.

It seems that Americans are locked into their positions and hold them closer than facts. A child’s death is easy to dismiss when it does not seem personal. Dismiss is not quite accurate. Tip toe around, I suppose?

Politicians are crafty. Their coached messages tell the electorate the problem is the crazy people, not the guns. It befuddles me how they suggest it is impossible to have a multifaceted approach to something as significant as kids getting killed. We have multi-pronged approaches to items as mundane as property taxes. Yet when it comes to saving innocent lives we need to stop at one measure.

Clearly the talking points are meant to distract, delay and ultimately avoid any tough conversations on minimizing access to assault caliber weapons.

Yes, we have a mental health crisis in this country. Too many people struggle to access the care they deserve and need. That is shameful. It is equally shameful to ignore the impact of guns on our society in order to maintain alliances with special interest groups.

There’s an old Robert Redford movie called The Candidate. Redford’s character initially agrees to run for public office with an intention to lose. His purpose is to spark discussion on public policy items that matter, not to win an election. But alas, the tidal force of power consumes his soul. He wins the campaign but his agenda items are lost.

How unfortunate that Redford knew in the 70’s a truism that voters still cannot grasp today.

Most politicians run for themselves. Policies are for elections not for the people.

Does this sound too cynical?

Let’s revisit the topic after the next shooting.

K

Fri, 09 Aug 2019 07:08:52 -0500

And it was good...

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My family moved recently. It was a semi-significant adjustment. Semi adjustment because we only moved ten miles from our previous home and there was no job change. Significant adjustment because the girls switched schools, and to a child, ten miles is a light year.

For the first month, our youngest asked us each time we were out, “which house are we going back to?” We would explain, again, that we only have one home and the “new house” was where we lived permanently.

Thankfully, despite initial hesitation from both of our daughters they are already thriving. They feel comfortable in their new schools and have made friends.

The most important piece, though, was the absolute upgrade in their lifestyle. This new neighborhood has a little lake with a sandy beach. At our former residence, they had no place to swim. Now they can dive into the murky water, build sand castles and ride around on their floaties.

There is something idyllic about sitting in the shade, watching the girls play and feeling free to take a deep breath. It might only be for ten minutes, but I much prefer this release to a hurried pace.

Although we are often intimidated by the work associated with taking the kids to the lake, we normally leave satisfied. Their clothes, our van and everything else in a palpable radius will be covered in sand. But our hearts are at peace.

A vacuum can get rid of the sand. Our mental health is worth more than a new dust buster!

We moved to decrease our commute and be closer to the city’s conveniences. Those goals were accomplished and now we have the added bonus of a relaxation station in our backyard.

I acknowledge this sounds like a super brag and for that I apologize. I simply share this post as recognition that sometimes change is for the better.

I feel really grateful to know a less chaotic life. I thought others might appreciate it too.

Happy summer!

K

Tue, 06 Aug 2019 20:51:00 -0500

In sickness and in health

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When I was growing up, my mom stayed at home. This granted her the flexibility to keep us out of school even if we had something as small as the sniffles.

My girls are not so fortunate. Since my husband and I both work, they sometimes go to school with Tylenol and a prayer.

This also means that if their illness does not warrant school exclusion, they are certainly going to school.

Stomachache without vomiting, we will be picking you up as soon as possible. You have a runny nose and cough but no fever, we will see you this afternoon.

Our children have learned faking or exaggerating an illness will result in the same dreaded outcome. Time to grab your backpack, we do not want to be late!

This has forced them to have resilience, which is good. But at times it has also caused me some regrets. Shoving a sick kid out the door is less than pleasant. If they return home later and their symptoms are worse, my guilt looms large.

Today, was one such day. It started when my six year old had an unusually tough night sleeping. I thought it was strange, but I laid down next to her and we both fell back to sleep. After all, the alarm clock would be buzzing soon.

In the morning, she woke up complaining of a headache. My husband and I convinced ourselves it was allergies. We gave her Ibuprofen and sent her on her way.

When she got picked up from school, it was clear we had made a mistake. She looked pretty bad. The teacher told us she sat out during recess. Our daughter’s only comment was she felt cold when everyone else was hot.

Parents of the year we are not.

The inevitable overcompensation followed. When she woke up from her fever-induced nap we pumped her full of fast food and medicine. The fever broke but our guilt persisted.

Tonight I have no words of wisdom, but I do have remorse.

What kind of mother sends their kid to school all day with a fever?

Apparently, the answer today is me.

K

Sun, 04 Aug 2019 20:11:21 -0500

The most magical place on Earth

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A couple of years ago, my husband and I took our first born to Disney World. She was four years old and adored Ariel. When we told her about the trip she was ecstatic. She could not wait to meet her hero. As you know, all the princesses live in Florida. So, Florida she must go.

Eventually, she received the opportunity to meet Ariel at her grotto. The poor thing was overtaken with nerves, but she persevered. She waited patiently in line until it was finally her turn to sit right next to her mermaid! Since she was starstruck, however, she plunked herself down a football field away from the princess. Ariel very sweetly asked her to scoot closer, and after apprehensively glancing in my direction, she agreed.

My daughter’s prized picture from the vacation shows Ariel stretching her arm out as far as possible to encircle her shoulders. My baby’s grin was uncertain but her eyes reflected wonder.

After leaving, my daughter’s confidence soared. Her dream had been achieved. A bounce was added to her step and she led me around the park with newfound boldness. All subsequent adventures were less intimidating. She was now personal friends with the most famous mermaid of all time. She had won at life.

Life is not always easy when you are four. You are forced to do your parents bidding. Most of your schedule is out of your control. You battle your emotions daily. You have to share your favorite toy and then your sibling breaks it. Things can get tough.

The saving grace of childhood is the ability to be fully satisfied with little. Each new activity brings forth a fascination unheard of in adults. My four year old did not need to complete a lengthy list of experiences at Disney to validate her trip. She met her idol and her heart was at peace.

This contentment teaches us much about the fundamentals of life. Being a preschooler might be hard, but savoring the special moments makes it a lot better.

The ability to marvel is a gift and we must hold onto it forever.

K

Fri, 02 Aug 2019 17:55:58 -0500

Growing up is hard

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As children, we thought our lives would get going after we got our drivers license or graduated high school or learned a trade. Those items got crossed off, but we were still somewhat the same.

No great lightning bolt had struck us and filled us up with enlightenment. We were older, sure, but little else had changed.

In the angst of adolescence, we were convinced once we transitioned to adulthood our mission would be accomplished. When we saw grownups on TV they were no longer searchers, they had found their place.

Instead it feels more like we are faking it until we make it. The first time someone asked a fresh graduate for advice on his area of ‘expertise,’ he looked around to see who they were questioning. It was equal parts thrilling and disillusioning to realize they were talking to him. He saddled up that college degree and spouted out an answer which seemed somewhat on topic. After leaving the meeting, his next stop was the internet to ensure it agreed.

We have no idea who decided it was all right for us to start getting married. A minute ago that boy was eating sand on the playground and that girl was cutting her doll’s hair off. Now since those kids are over the age of eighteen they have the wherewithal to make a lifetime commitment to each other? Okay, if you say so.

Regarding babies, most new parents think the hospital is nuts to let them leave with a human being. They are too scared to admit it, but they have some significant doubts. If they could voice their thoughts it would be like, “Umm, yeah this is kind of funny, but uh, there has been a little mix up. Actually, the whole parenting thing seems better suited for people with minivans and cookies in the oven. Should I give the baby back now?”

As children get older they throw new challenges at us that we are equally unprepared to handle.

Child: “Mom, where do babies come from?”
Mom: “Nowhere near this house, that is for sure!”
Child: “Huh? What about when you had my little sister?”
Mom: “Not relevant.”
Child: “What does relevant mean?”

In contrast to our childish expectations, these examples suggest that we never reach a pinnacle of completion. We take steps when society tells us it is acceptable, even though our proficiency is still unproven. We do because we can, or at least because it is allowed.

When we understand that, maybe we are a little more grown up.

K

Thu, 01 Aug 2019 06:33:28 -0500

What a wonderful world

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There are many yucky things in this world. I could recount them, but I think you are acutely aware of the problems.

Thankfully, this world is also full of beauty. Nature is the most common example. Soaring redwoods, frothy beaches, and snowcapped mountains captivate our attention and shift our perspectives.

The people in our lives bring us joy. Whether it is our parents, or spouse, or children or extended family, an iPhone picture of our loved ones positively impacts our day. We feel compelled to share that sunshine smile with others, which is probably why social media has taken over the world.

Even food can mesmerize us. The Food Network has taught us that cooking and baking is edible artistry. Blow torches and paint brushes are apparently common place in high end restaurants.

Just this morning, my children demonstrated another kind of beauty. After my three year old tattled on her sister for not putting the puzzle together correctly, she quickly realized kindness was more effective than name calling. Cooperation led to a completed project.

Uh oh! They were supposed to be playing together, but I hear her crying again.

If only all beautiful things could last!

K

Tue, 30 Jul 2019 14:44:59 -0500

Childhood nightmares

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Do you remember when you were little and the worst part of your day was nap time? It was so awful that your parents never even used the three letter word. They would either spell it out to each other or pantomime sleeping with their hands.

Sleeping frustrated you so much because it rudely disrupted your play time. Parents would say “Oh buddy, are you afraid of missing out on something?” No! You were not afraid you would miss out, you KNEW you were missing out. The barbies and GI joes needed some exercise. This was their window, sleep was a waste.

Fast forward twenty years and you have a newfound respect for nap time. It seems that sleep was not a punishment but rather the most delightful treat your parents had ever known. They were trying to shower you with love, but you misinterpreted it as a fight.

Sleep is refreshing, luxurious, and decadent. It is sweeter than the richest chocolate and more appealing than the finest bouquet of roses.

For the first time, you understand the longing parents have for one night of uninterrupted sleep. When that is not possible, a few winks during the day could be your salvation.

But what has happened?

Now you have your own kiddos who refuse naps with a full throated, glass-shattering operatic intensity. You have become the helpless bystander who tries to pour out a life sustaining blessing on your children, only to be met with disdain.

Do not lose hope!

Twenty years from now, they will see the gift.

But for now, consider investing in ear plugs.

K

Mon, 29 Jul 2019 06:39:22 -0500

How to be a professional

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My best friend in graduate school innately understood the rhythms of life. She consistently showed up on time for everything. Everything!

Unfortunately, I was not blessed with her skill set. For me, time is more of a suggestion than a concrete idea.

I wish the world I lived in functioned more like me and less like my friend but I know it does not.

Of course, I do try to be punctual. I appreciate that it is a highly respected and valued piece of professionalism.

It just seems that my attempts are always a little...off.

I start out early and maybe even reach my destination early, but then disaster inevitably strikes.

Since I left home at twilight, I suddenly have a parched throat, growling tummy or full bladder.

I take the tiniest of detours and without warning the cushion of time vanishes. My phone admonishes me that I am tardy, again.

Alas, the good news is I am not alone. My work functions similarly to me. If my last appointment is 11:30, I can bet my bottom dollar, noon is rolling around before I see my client.

I guess I could be more strict with late policies. Yet it is tough to judge a behavior that I also struggle to improve upon. The Bible has that whole verse about the speck and the plank.

“You hypocrite.” (It is already starting out a little rough.) “...first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”

Woah!

I do have a plank eye.

But removing it is a bit tricky.

I will just stick to seeing people a little late.

K

Sun, 28 Jul 2019 07:19:56 -0500

The future's night light

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I often worry that my generation is on the wrong side of history. It seems that fear, ignorance and isolationism sweeps up those of us with genuine good hearts and transports us to a dark place. A vortex engulfs us and makes it impossible to differentiate up from down, left from right, and wrong from...well right. I doubt many people in 1930s Germany anticipated being captured in history as the greatest villains of their time, and yet...they are.

I believe the strongest response to darkness is light. Daybreak with its array of colors comforts us. We must reframe fear with reassurance, answer ignorance with education, and break apart isolationism with belonging. By having a powerful counterpunch to darkness we equip instead of finger-point. The early twentieth century Germans did not have the lens of history to shine into their night, but we do. The light of history has the power to illuminate the future.

K

Sat, 27 Jul 2019 21:54:25 -0500

Nursery rhymes of life

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I actively avoid conflict, in life and in fiction. I skip over the uncomfortable parts of movies. I start with the end of the book to ensure a satisfying conclusion. If I see a road block ahead, I steer clear.

Unfortunately, my profession sometimes calls for confrontation. This draws out my tummy flutters and racing heart beats.

Fortunately, I am also a perfectionist. If I need to have confrontation, it’s going to be the best ever.

These characteristics should not coexist. They cause a cataclysmic volcano that spews words out with little insight to their purpose.

In real time, I believe this makes me appear straightforward and assertive. Of course, my armpits are sweaty and my face is a little pale. The message tends to get a tad bit muddled when I start looking for the barf bag.

It gets worse when my words come out so fast that the other person has a blank stare. At least, confusion is preferable to violence.

Once, I told a colleague that one of our clients was so angry I felt frightened. My colleague responded, “you’re like three inches taller than him, you could take him.”

Oh no, that was the first time I considered fear for life. I was simply afraid he would not like me anymore.

Fear of not being liked is probably the real reason I dislike confrontation and I ❤ ️perfectionism.

Some might say that sounds like poor self confidence. Those people would be right.

So the next time I feel like throwing up because I need to face conflict but I would rather eat toenails, I will take heart. Reminding myself the discomfort I am feeling is not of being physically harmed, but rather fear of emotional trauma.

Everyone knows ‘sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me.’

Which brings me to a new question: are all nursery rhymes lies?

K

Thu, 25 Jul 2019 16:08:51 -0500

Why be a mother?

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This title has the potential to offend some readers. They could feel that to question the whys of motherhood is akin to questioning the whys of breathing. They could say, ‘you draw air to live, you mother to have life’.

A nice thought, but in the mundane and in the sleepless nights, the question sometimes still tickles the corners of our minds.

When the terrible twos strike and never seem to leave, or when tantrums transition into the feared teenage years, our desire for children may seem illogical.

And maybe it is. Perhaps love is always illogical. But is it undeserved?

Who is worthy of love?

Is it determined by our deeds or our wealth or our potential?

We hope not.

Instead, we hope love is our birthright.

If we agree to be loved is to be human, then maybe motherhood exists to convey to the next generation their importance. We acknowledge that our love for our children is not based on merit. We love them without condition because they belong to us.

In that same way, our Creator first proved His love for us because we belong to Him.

“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8)

Why embark on the journey of mothering?

The answer must be to show love.

Plus, little kids are really cute.

K

Wed, 24 Jul 2019 07:00:30 -0500

Why write a blog?

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Good morning. Today is my first blog post. I started writing at the urging of my husband. This is a joint venture for us. He gets to fiddle with programming and I have an outlet for my thoughts.

I spend more time in my head than in my activities. My husband has witnessed the result of this introspection and felt I needed a platform to display my goods.

Ultimately, like any form of commerce, the public will decide if my wares should be mass produced or discarded. I suppose that places pressure on me to write with purpose.

Or does it?

My nature dictates I write. Lack of interest in my words has little power to overcome my tendencies. I suspect neither would a failing blog.

So, I will write to please myself and partner with anyone else who has interest. I fully acknowledge that most might not like my blog, but I can still like them. Hopefully, we can all leave as friends.

K

Tue, 23 Jul 2019 06:36:49 -0500